New York!!!!

After 2 days of traveling in a car, getting lost several times, and making a million stops; I am New York!!!! I am sitting on the floor of my room at the Flushing YMCA, which feels like a hostile. And let me just tell you the Asian women are not shy. Listening to some music, talking to my family on the phone and catching up on facebook. Its been crazy, I am exhausted, and a little shaky; but I serve a God who sits on the throne and he's taking care of me. I have to admit after sleep and a shower I do feel much better now. My hair is still wet, and I have the air blasting but it feels really good. I should probably go dry my hair before I get sick.

But before I go, I want to ask you all to pray. God has already been revealing to me stuff he wants to work on in my life. It's hard and it hurts. But when God is working it always turns out well. Pray for strength and peace over these next few weeks and months. I love you all my few and faithful readers.

Floodzone

When I started teaching my class almost a year ago I never thought it would mean this much to me. I thought I was just helping out these little kids who nobody would commit to. And now as I prepare for my last 3 weeks for them, it brings tears to my eyes.

I have to come to love these little faces that stare up at me each week. The cute little way they say my name. I've enjoyed these little darlings so much. I love that I got to watch Hannah join the rest of the group when we got Hannah safe snacks (cause Mama Holly taught me how to read the labels). And watched her grow from this shy little girl to this crazy kid who kept jumping on my back today. I watched Audrey be brave in the face of one of the scariest things- Cancer- and she had no fear. I cried with her mother as we celebrated that she was better. And I couldn't stop smiling when that hair started growing back. (Side note- SHE GOT DE-PORTED!!!! THAT LITTLE GIRL IS CANCER FREE IN THE NAME OF JESUS!) I watched the smiles on faces like Emily when she recognized me and said Missssss Patti in her special way. And yes she puts about that many S's on it. I loved getting kids like Cross, Kadence, and Weston who we thought would have fits when they came in my class, and haven't had a single one yet. I loved seeing babies I rocked to sleep in the nursery grow up into these walking talking toddlers. I loved learning gentleness and patience. I loved learning how to be undignified in order to teach kids to praise Jesus.

It's crazy. I never thought I'd love these kids this much. But now the thought of leaving those kids, the thought that they will be without a teacher again... it breaks my heart. For those parents that are reading this, thank you for the priviledge of letting me teach your kids. I have loved every minute and learned so much.

And I realize I was made for this. To teach and be taught.

So here's to the lessons learned and the ones that are coming soon.

The girls (mother/daughter)

I have 66 days left until I move, and 43 days left of work. :-D

I think I am more excited about being done with work!!!!

When I was in junior high and high school, I loved Gilmore Girls. But I missed the last couple episodes and I was very bummed. So ABC Family just aired the last episodes that I missed, and since I have been working doubles everyday but Sunday I have recorded them on my DVR. So tonight I finished watching/rewatching those crazy Gilmore Girls!

You are probably wondering how those 2 thoughts coincide with each other... and especially how Gilmore Girls has anything to do with MAMC. Well tonight I watched the last episode and if there are any GG fans, you'll know that the last episode is this beloved mother/daughter duo saying goodbye to each other for an extended length of time as Rory starts her first real job following the campaign trail (it ended in '07 as suspicions that Obama would be a candidate for the greatest race in history). And it made me realize how hard it is going to be to say goodbye to my mom. I know I am 20 years old and should be fully ready to go. And in a way I am, but in other ways I am never going to be. I am leaving one of my closest friends, the woman who raised me to be strong, caring, and independant person -just like her or so I hope. I love my mom and I can't imagine how she's done it all these years and yet she still does more.

It also concerns me that my mother watched this episode with me because she is more upset about me leaving then I am. I am excited and a little sad, my mom is sad and a little excited. And in the episode Lorelai goes and sits on her daughters bed in the dark-WHILE SHE'S SLEEPING- and just watches her. If I wake up in the middle of the night and my mom is sitting on the edge of my bed just watching me I can gurantee I will do 1 of 3 things. 1) Scream bloody murder 2) Pee my pants or 3)Have a heart attack. I am going with number 3.

So anyways all that to say that time is going faster than I can imagine. I am so very excited but getting very sentimental. I have so much I need to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finances

Next week I have to send in my first deposit. I will have enough money for that deposit but am not sure after that. I will have to call and see if any money was sent to the church. And I am praying that God will put an impression on hearts to give as they have said they would.

I AM GOING! I claim this in the name of Jesus Christ because I have been called to this life change. I see it in the way that strangers who have never met me before have invested in this cause. And as my friend Karly claimed God is going to give me triple the amount I need because he is just that GOOD!

Can I get an amen?

The Football Coach

Some of you will probably never have the priviledge of meeting my Aunt Kathy, and that's a shame. She is not really my aunt but I see her as such since she is a good friend of my mom and I, and a 2nd mom to me here in TN. She's crazy,outgoing, strong, and oh so encouraging. We were sitting at a lunch/informal meeting on Sunday and the comment was made that she might have been a football coach in a past life. And if I believed in past lives, I would probably have to agree.

You see I firmly believe that God has called me on this life changing journey. I believe that through MC that God is going to change me, and therefore help me to change the world. I believe I am shaking up hell by moving forward and so The Father of all Lies is attacking me in the most powerful place he can... my mind. He has attacked my insecurities and self doubt. It hurts, its hard, and I worry that some days he gains ground.

But Aunt Kathy-COACH will not let me be discouraged, when I feel discouraged and like I can't win she reminds me its only the 3rd quarter and I still have plenty of time to get there. Shes been reminding me how many times God has pulled through for me, even if it's last minute.

So thank you Aunt Kathy for being my strong encourager!!! I love you so much lady.

Update

I wanted to update you all on what's been going on with this great adventure. Since I last wrote I have received two support checks. They weren't extremely large checks but they were of great value to me. And one of them was attached with a simple note and a piece of sentiment. It encouraged me so much to see that these people believed in me enough to support me in this incredible journey.

I have been studying and listening, learning and loving, talking and teaching. I have been growing. I have had strangers speak over me with words I know came from the father. Thetug of war still continues in my heart. I know he is pulling me out of my comfort zone, which is a scary concept. I know there will be days ahead of me where I retreat into myself, where I shut out everyone around me and just ache. But I know I will be held. I know that the Lord will send his angels to watch over me in my dark days. I know this because a stranger gave me those words.

For those of you who I have shared this with, I know you pray. So please pray for me. Pray that I will lose myself, my own stupid ways. That our father will give me strength and push me forward.

This song is something that has stuck with me and I think it says a lot:

The more I seek you, the more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you

I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands
Lean back against you and breathe, to feel your heart beat
This love is so real, its more than I can stand
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming me

Nerdy girl's fears

Today has been one of those days where the practical side of me has kicked in. Where I realize that it is not realistic for me to be able to come up with $7,000-8,000 by September. And even if I do, is my mom gonna be ok when I leave? It's never been easy for us and now that I won't be there to contribute it's gonna be harder. Part of me thinks I haven't been trying very hard because I'm afraid. Because I'll admit I haven't been trying too hard to get that money. My head is screaming what are you thinking? Do you really want to leave your comfort zone AGAIN??? Don't you remember how hard it was? What if you go there and you fail? What if you go there and nothing changes? What if I go there and I am the nerdy kid again? What if I go there and I am all alone again, only this time I really have nobody I know? I want to be honest on here because if I am not honest I am alone. And trust me I have felt so alone lately. I have cried because sometimes I wonder if I made any difference in the time I have been here.

I know this is what I am suppose to do, but sometimes knowing and doing are 2 different things. But I am doing this. I trust my heavenly father to provide and that he has all the answers. I know that despite my insecurities there are people that love, believe in, and support me. And that this nerdy, insecure, unpopular, outsider girl has enough people out there who care and listen to God's voice to help me get there. I know that people have left a handprint on my heart and I hope I have left handprints on others.