New York!!!!

After 2 days of traveling in a car, getting lost several times, and making a million stops; I am New York!!!! I am sitting on the floor of my room at the Flushing YMCA, which feels like a hostile. And let me just tell you the Asian women are not shy. Listening to some music, talking to my family on the phone and catching up on facebook. Its been crazy, I am exhausted, and a little shaky; but I serve a God who sits on the throne and he's taking care of me. I have to admit after sleep and a shower I do feel much better now. My hair is still wet, and I have the air blasting but it feels really good. I should probably go dry my hair before I get sick.

But before I go, I want to ask you all to pray. God has already been revealing to me stuff he wants to work on in my life. It's hard and it hurts. But when God is working it always turns out well. Pray for strength and peace over these next few weeks and months. I love you all my few and faithful readers.

Floodzone

When I started teaching my class almost a year ago I never thought it would mean this much to me. I thought I was just helping out these little kids who nobody would commit to. And now as I prepare for my last 3 weeks for them, it brings tears to my eyes.

I have to come to love these little faces that stare up at me each week. The cute little way they say my name. I've enjoyed these little darlings so much. I love that I got to watch Hannah join the rest of the group when we got Hannah safe snacks (cause Mama Holly taught me how to read the labels). And watched her grow from this shy little girl to this crazy kid who kept jumping on my back today. I watched Audrey be brave in the face of one of the scariest things- Cancer- and she had no fear. I cried with her mother as we celebrated that she was better. And I couldn't stop smiling when that hair started growing back. (Side note- SHE GOT DE-PORTED!!!! THAT LITTLE GIRL IS CANCER FREE IN THE NAME OF JESUS!) I watched the smiles on faces like Emily when she recognized me and said Missssss Patti in her special way. And yes she puts about that many S's on it. I loved getting kids like Cross, Kadence, and Weston who we thought would have fits when they came in my class, and haven't had a single one yet. I loved seeing babies I rocked to sleep in the nursery grow up into these walking talking toddlers. I loved learning gentleness and patience. I loved learning how to be undignified in order to teach kids to praise Jesus.

It's crazy. I never thought I'd love these kids this much. But now the thought of leaving those kids, the thought that they will be without a teacher again... it breaks my heart. For those parents that are reading this, thank you for the priviledge of letting me teach your kids. I have loved every minute and learned so much.

And I realize I was made for this. To teach and be taught.

So here's to the lessons learned and the ones that are coming soon.

The girls (mother/daughter)

I have 66 days left until I move, and 43 days left of work. :-D

I think I am more excited about being done with work!!!!

When I was in junior high and high school, I loved Gilmore Girls. But I missed the last couple episodes and I was very bummed. So ABC Family just aired the last episodes that I missed, and since I have been working doubles everyday but Sunday I have recorded them on my DVR. So tonight I finished watching/rewatching those crazy Gilmore Girls!

You are probably wondering how those 2 thoughts coincide with each other... and especially how Gilmore Girls has anything to do with MAMC. Well tonight I watched the last episode and if there are any GG fans, you'll know that the last episode is this beloved mother/daughter duo saying goodbye to each other for an extended length of time as Rory starts her first real job following the campaign trail (it ended in '07 as suspicions that Obama would be a candidate for the greatest race in history). And it made me realize how hard it is going to be to say goodbye to my mom. I know I am 20 years old and should be fully ready to go. And in a way I am, but in other ways I am never going to be. I am leaving one of my closest friends, the woman who raised me to be strong, caring, and independant person -just like her or so I hope. I love my mom and I can't imagine how she's done it all these years and yet she still does more.

It also concerns me that my mother watched this episode with me because she is more upset about me leaving then I am. I am excited and a little sad, my mom is sad and a little excited. And in the episode Lorelai goes and sits on her daughters bed in the dark-WHILE SHE'S SLEEPING- and just watches her. If I wake up in the middle of the night and my mom is sitting on the edge of my bed just watching me I can gurantee I will do 1 of 3 things. 1) Scream bloody murder 2) Pee my pants or 3)Have a heart attack. I am going with number 3.

So anyways all that to say that time is going faster than I can imagine. I am so very excited but getting very sentimental. I have so much I need to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finances

Next week I have to send in my first deposit. I will have enough money for that deposit but am not sure after that. I will have to call and see if any money was sent to the church. And I am praying that God will put an impression on hearts to give as they have said they would.

I AM GOING! I claim this in the name of Jesus Christ because I have been called to this life change. I see it in the way that strangers who have never met me before have invested in this cause. And as my friend Karly claimed God is going to give me triple the amount I need because he is just that GOOD!

Can I get an amen?

The Football Coach

Some of you will probably never have the priviledge of meeting my Aunt Kathy, and that's a shame. She is not really my aunt but I see her as such since she is a good friend of my mom and I, and a 2nd mom to me here in TN. She's crazy,outgoing, strong, and oh so encouraging. We were sitting at a lunch/informal meeting on Sunday and the comment was made that she might have been a football coach in a past life. And if I believed in past lives, I would probably have to agree.

You see I firmly believe that God has called me on this life changing journey. I believe that through MC that God is going to change me, and therefore help me to change the world. I believe I am shaking up hell by moving forward and so The Father of all Lies is attacking me in the most powerful place he can... my mind. He has attacked my insecurities and self doubt. It hurts, its hard, and I worry that some days he gains ground.

But Aunt Kathy-COACH will not let me be discouraged, when I feel discouraged and like I can't win she reminds me its only the 3rd quarter and I still have plenty of time to get there. Shes been reminding me how many times God has pulled through for me, even if it's last minute.

So thank you Aunt Kathy for being my strong encourager!!! I love you so much lady.

Update

I wanted to update you all on what's been going on with this great adventure. Since I last wrote I have received two support checks. They weren't extremely large checks but they were of great value to me. And one of them was attached with a simple note and a piece of sentiment. It encouraged me so much to see that these people believed in me enough to support me in this incredible journey.

I have been studying and listening, learning and loving, talking and teaching. I have been growing. I have had strangers speak over me with words I know came from the father. Thetug of war still continues in my heart. I know he is pulling me out of my comfort zone, which is a scary concept. I know there will be days ahead of me where I retreat into myself, where I shut out everyone around me and just ache. But I know I will be held. I know that the Lord will send his angels to watch over me in my dark days. I know this because a stranger gave me those words.

For those of you who I have shared this with, I know you pray. So please pray for me. Pray that I will lose myself, my own stupid ways. That our father will give me strength and push me forward.

This song is something that has stuck with me and I think it says a lot:

The more I seek you, the more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you

I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands
Lean back against you and breathe, to feel your heart beat
This love is so real, its more than I can stand
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming me

Nerdy girl's fears

Today has been one of those days where the practical side of me has kicked in. Where I realize that it is not realistic for me to be able to come up with $7,000-8,000 by September. And even if I do, is my mom gonna be ok when I leave? It's never been easy for us and now that I won't be there to contribute it's gonna be harder. Part of me thinks I haven't been trying very hard because I'm afraid. Because I'll admit I haven't been trying too hard to get that money. My head is screaming what are you thinking? Do you really want to leave your comfort zone AGAIN??? Don't you remember how hard it was? What if you go there and you fail? What if you go there and nothing changes? What if I go there and I am the nerdy kid again? What if I go there and I am all alone again, only this time I really have nobody I know? I want to be honest on here because if I am not honest I am alone. And trust me I have felt so alone lately. I have cried because sometimes I wonder if I made any difference in the time I have been here.

I know this is what I am suppose to do, but sometimes knowing and doing are 2 different things. But I am doing this. I trust my heavenly father to provide and that he has all the answers. I know that despite my insecurities there are people that love, believe in, and support me. And that this nerdy, insecure, unpopular, outsider girl has enough people out there who care and listen to God's voice to help me get there. I know that people have left a handprint on my heart and I hope I have left handprints on others.

The Letter

I wanted to add a little more to this than the original note I placed on Facebook. Very few people have been given the web address to this site and the ones that have it our people that I love very dearly or have asked about it. I want you to know that I am excited, nervous, scared, impatient, contemplative, and a million other things. But I am at peace with this decision and I know this is what he has for me.

To anyone who may read this:

I received my acceptance letter for Masters Commission in the mail yesterday!For those of you who don't know what Master's is, it's a 9 month intense discipleship program hosted by different churches around the country and it trains young adults for leadership within the church through hands-on experience and biblical training. And it has been a dream of mine for quite some time. Patiently waiting on God for every step I took and now I have the letter in my hands.I know that if this weren't from God that this door would have been closed in my face. And as Jeremiah 29:11 says I believe these are the plans he has for me to prosper, plans for a hope and a future.

The tuition for this program is $5,500 dollars. This includes my housing, training, curriculum, and ministry trips. However it does not include my food, gas, or insurance costs.As well as wanting to share this exciting news, I am writing this note because I need your support. This is a big step and I could really use your prayers. And while I am working very hard towards this goal, I know that I can not do it on my own. If you feel like this is something you would like to be a part of financially, I would appreciate any support you are able to offer. I know these are hard times.

Any checks can be made to Metro Atlanta Master's Commission and mailed to me or directly to the church:
MAMC
5985 Financial Dr.
Norcross, GA 30071
Any contribution you make to the MAMC tuition fund is tax deductible as long as it is written to Metro Atlanta Master's Commission.

No matter what, I appreciate any support whether it be monetary or in your prayers. I am anxiously looking forward to the next year of my life. I know God has great things for me in the next year that go beyond my wildest imagination. You are all in my prayers. Thank you all for being a part of my life.


Love you,
Patti

PS for more information you can go to their website at www.MAMC.org

The Visit

This weekend I took a trip to Atlanta to see where I will be living next year... and I didn't want to come back!

It was such an incredible time getting to meet the people that I have been talking to since about October. They are as amazing in person as they have been over the phone and they made me very comfortable. After watching Judah, we took a tour of the massive facilities of the church, and then went out to lunch at Bahama Breeze (so good, by the way). Shortly after we got back I was warmly welcomed by one of my roommates back to their apartment. Which was way nicer looking than I expected, with 2 bathrooms, dishwashers, washing machine, dryer AND a fireplace! I then went to the park in the apartment complex with the girls and got to play soccer with a bunch of kids while showing them the love of Jesus. And then we went home and the girls made one of my biggest dreams come true. And that was just Thursday.

Friday we woke up rather early and I met all the guys that I hadn't gotten to meet yet. Then James invited me to join the worship team in prayer before we started Corum Deo. Corum Deo is an intense worship service for Masters students only. The students have an opportunity to give short sermons and Matt (the director) speaks. Besides the friendships that I made this week, this was one of the highlights of this trip. Within a few minutes of worship I was wondering why I felt so strange in this place. Then it hit me like a flood (literally I could not stop crying) this undescribable feeling I was having was that I was home and I had peace. That sealed the deal. Then we went to lunch and I came back to watch human video/ skit practice. Lets just say I laughed a lot.

Later that evening I had the great privelege of seeing my old pastor and friends the Crumps, where I saw the city from their rooftop and had dinner at Tin Lizzy's. I was so great to see them after so long and I appreciated their support so much.

Saturday we got together with some friends we haven't seen in almost 10 yrs. This man read me Dr. Seuss when I was 4 yrs old and now he has his own 4 yr old. When we got back we made dinner for the girls and my 52 year old mother started an all out pillow war.

And Sunday it ended with an adult service, jr high service, and high school service.

My trip was amazing. I about cried as we pulled away because during this trip I made amazing friends and God changed my heart. I am filled with joy!

(there are more pics but this is taking to long and I am tired)

Tomorrow...

In about 6 hours I will be leaving for atlanta. I have an anxiousness inside of me I can't quite pinpoint. This is going to make it all real. I have so much to do and so much to see and so much to hear. I can't wait! There will be pictures when I get back!

Thoughts and Numbers

6 months ... since I started looking at MAMC.

6 months ... until I might be there.

4 months ... since my first conversation with Angel.

10 days ... until I visit.

Approximately 10 days ... until I have an answer.

All I can say is that these numbers are stuck in my head. Along with dollar signs $. And hows ?. This morning my analytical drive kicked in. My insecurities and doubts came rushing in like a hurricane trying to destroy everything in its path which happened to be my confidence in what I was doing. But then I remembered that I serve a God who says, "Peace. Be still", and the winds obey. So I stopped in the middle of getting ready, sat down on my bed, and just talked to my father. He reminded me that this isn't just my dream. That I had already handed this situation over to him. It's his to give or take away. And so far he has continued to guide my steps in this direction. Sometimes, I let my imagination get the best of me. This journey will be long. This journey will probably be hard. But it will also be amazingly rewarding. Most likely life changing.