Today has been one of those days where the practical side of me has kicked in. Where I realize that it is not realistic for me to be able to come up with $7,000-8,000 by September. And even if I do, is my mom gonna be ok when I leave? It's never been easy for us and now that I won't be there to contribute it's gonna be harder. Part of me thinks I haven't been trying very hard because I'm afraid. Because I'll admit I haven't been trying too hard to get that money. My head is screaming what are you thinking? Do you really want to leave your comfort zone AGAIN??? Don't you remember how hard it was? What if you go there and you fail? What if you go there and nothing changes? What if I go there and I am the nerdy kid again? What if I go there and I am all alone again, only this time I really have nobody I know? I want to be honest on here because if I am not honest I am alone. And trust me I have felt so alone lately. I have cried because sometimes I wonder if I made any difference in the time I have been here.
I know this is what I am suppose to do, but sometimes knowing and doing are 2 different things. But I am doing this. I trust my heavenly father to provide and that he has all the answers. I know that despite my insecurities there are people that love, believe in, and support me. And that this nerdy, insecure, unpopular, outsider girl has enough people out there who care and listen to God's voice to help me get there. I know that people have left a handprint on my heart and I hope I have left handprints on others.
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You've left a big hand print on my heart!! Start putting more focus, drive, and passion into getting the money you need. The Lord is going to provide it in some way but remember to do your part. Your mom will be fine. Look how much she's been through, she'll get through this with the Lord's help. Try not to worry to much about that. You know this door would not have been opened if you were not meant to walk through it. The Lord is going to work out all the details, big and small. I love you and am praying for you constantly about all of this!
ReplyDeleteYeah I picked up my bible last night and the verse I was lead to talked about God providing everything I need to do my works. I was like ok God I get the message.
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